This has been a fascinating part of my coaching because all the clients who describe themselves procrastinating have the same underlying problem.
That problem is the fear of failure, and the fear of rejection.
If you really stop and think about it – it is easier to say, “I should’ve, could’ve, would’ve” That really is so much easier than putting yourself “out there” and committing to something at the risk that your best efforts are still not good enough.
Human beings have this inner belief that if you fail – you get rejected, and the fear of rejection is a powerful and primal fear. Always remember that your subconscious mind is wired to keep you safe.
Back when us humans were hunter gatherers, if your tribe rejected you or cast you out, then you could die. Out in the wilds on your own you could be eaten by a wild animal or attacked by a rival tribe. There was safety in numbers.
Our instincts are still wired to keep us safe by fitting in and sticking with what we already know.
Modern life is totally different – you can be on your own and survive, thrive and be safe but our minds are still wired with this terrible fear of rejection.
In today's world that doesn’t always serve you. The fear of rejection and that subconscious need to stay in what is familiar is why so many people stay in a miserable job for example, (even though they might LONG every day to do something different).
It’s also why people stay in unhappy relationships or keep sabotaging their weight loss by cheating on their diet.
Our minds do everything they can, to convince us to stick with what we are familiar with.
We all have this primitive fear that basically – if we get rejected, we will die, but that doesn’t apply any more… You wont die, you will bounce back, and you will get stronger.
How do you overcome this and become a person who no longer procrastinates?
When we decide to make any change in our behaviour, the best way to achieve real and lasting change is to understand what lies beneath that behaviour.
Procrastination is quite simply, a fear of being rejected, a fear of being not good enough.
According to experts – this is, in fact the most common fear in the world so you are not alone.
Understand this concept, realize “Aaah… I am doing this" (Watching Netflix or stopping for coffee) instead of that… (whatever that task is that you are avoiding)
The next step is to have a conversation with yourself and remember that nobody else can make you feel rejected – without your permission.
Only YOU can allow another person to make you feel rejected or not good enough.
Think about it, we have all heard of movie stars, famous A-listers, who got rejected hundreds of times before they eventually landed that first big role.
We have all heard of business moguls or inventors that had their business strategies or their inventions rejected time and time again before it got taken up and made them billions or changed the world.
On the other side of the coin there are those people who get rejected once or twice and quickly step back and give up on their dream, it just hurts too much.
What is the difference between those 2 kinds of people, many of the people who give up are just as talented, just as brilliant, sometimes more so…
Why do the “winners” not get defeated by rejection?
Under the surface, what lies beneath for those "winners" is usually a stronger and better sense of self-worth, self-acceptance. Those people believe strongly in their own value or the value of their talent, their ideas.
They don’t allow rejection to stop them in their tracks – because they don’t believe that rejection, they believe in their own value!
When we procrastinate we are allowing the fear of rejection to stop us in our tracks. We still need to learn that the only one who can TRULY reject ME, is ME! I am the only person who has that power… Only I can reject me!
In modern life, rejection does NOT kill you – our lives are totally different to how they where when we needed safety in numbers. So, if you want to stop procrastinating then understand yourself. Understand that procrastination is a fear of rejection, a fear of not being good enough.
How do you overcome that?
Use your words wisely; tell yourself another story.
By NOT getting started, by NOT doing this, or that, I am actually rejecting myself!
I am so afraid of rejection that I am rejecting myself before I give anyone else the chance to reject me!
The next thing to remember is something that I do go on about to my clients;
The Power of Your Words!
Your mind has a job to do and that is to listen to the words that you say, and do what you tell it, to keep you safe.
So, if your mind hears you saying things like;
This admin is killing me
I would love to start my dream business but it’s so risky
Doing the accounts for my business drives me crazy
I get SO hungry on any diet
I feel like I am starving to death
Your mind supports you by keeping you safe, it says
WHOAH lets create actions and habits that keep you from being killed, or putting yourself at risk, or from going crazy, or feeling hungry!
The great thing about this is that you CAN change this all!
The most effective foundation for change is always to upgrade that conversation that you have with yourself!
I am doing this admin/these accounts/making those dreaded phone-calls NOW, RIGHT NOW. I have CHOSEN to do this because I CHOOSE success and I feel GREAT about it.
Using words correctly, literally changes your mind.
Some people wonder why they can never stick to their fitness program, when they are telling themselves, This is SO HARD, it hurts, I am exhausted.
While others say I LOVE my workouts, I feel SO great afterwards and even during the workout. I LOVE how it benefits my body AND my mind.
Which one of those people are going to be more likely to keep up with their fitness?
The wonderful and really useful thing about your subconscious mind is that it doesn’t know the difference between what’s real and what’s not real.
Your mind absorbs and believes exactly what it hears most often.
Another fascinating thing about your mind is that it can’t tell the difference between fear and excitement and you can also use this to your advantage…
Every time that you feel a fear that you KNOW is holding you back – LIE to your mind!
Tell it a different story;
I am SO excited to start this new project/to go for the interview for that amazing job/ to do EVERY SINGLE thing that I need to do to make this business a success!
Remember that procrastination comes from the fear of rejection so reprogram that fear into an excitement about what you can achieve by simply telling yourself another story and repeating that story regularly!
Another effective thing you can do is to use rewards.
Human beings love rewards.
A reward can also be seen as a little celebration and… just as Lisa Nichols tells us
What gets celebrated, gets repeated!
Often, we find ourselves saying
I know I need to do this or that, but I just don’t feel like it
And then before you know it you are making yourself a cup of coffee or grabbing a bite to eat and actually just procrastinating again!
So rather – remember to say
I am doing this NOW, RIGHT NOW because I have CHOSEN to do this, and I CHOOSE to feel GREAT about it!
And then…. After you’ve done that job, after you’ve achieved that task THEN you reward yourself with a yummy, healthy bite to eat or that wonderful cup of coffee. SAVOUR that that reward, make it feel like a little celebration of a job done well, that task you didn’t want to do but it needed to be done… because remember
What gets celebrated, gets repeated!
Another way to approach rewards is that when you know that something you LOVE is coming up, maybe it’s your morning coffee break or perhaps it’s your favourite TV show in the evening; Look forward to that as a reward but before it happens tell yourself that you are going to DO that task that you have been avoiding and that your coffee break or that TV show will be your reward. The great thing is that with a sense of accomplishment behind you… you enjoy that reward EVEN MORE than usual.
So, STOP rejecting yourself.
Procrastination is YOU rejecting YOURSELF.
Be aware and mindful of the conversation that goes on inside your own head, upgrade it and use that conversation to serve and empower you rather than limit you.
I hope you have been able to take some helpful tips from this. If you enjoyed this post then be sure to follow this blog.
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I love to deliver value to my tribe, we talk about mind management and we talk about mental and emotional strategies that are vital to successful and lasting weight release.
I help yo-yo dieters recover from compulsive eating and comfort eating and to be their Perfect Size Always.
My name is Fiona Burdett, I am a life-coach and a body transformation coach. I am always here to answer questions and have discussions so please leave your comments or questions, I love to read your comments and to answer questions… so let’s learn grow and share together
