The words below are taken out of my journal
from a Tuesday through to a Thursday in February 2018. I have not edited or
changed what I wrote at all. I hope this gives you an opportunity to think
about how you could use some positive affirmations to help you change the limiting
thoughts and beliefs that no longer serve you!
When I write my
journals, especially in reflection, I write as if I am telling my best friend
all about my day.
Tuesday
I woke even earlier than 5 am and took time to enjoy the sound of
the birds outside, before I started my daily meditation. I am currently signed
up to Deepak Chopra’s free sample of a 21-day meditation on creating
abundance.
God knows we could use some of that right now! Why only
the free sample? We are, at this point financially broke. I am not mentally or
emotionally broken, been there, done that, and pulled myself back up, via a spiritual
journey that most of my friends and family would label as downright weird, and
distressing enough to get them on their knees praying for the odd-ball that
they love so much. (Yes, I am loved, and I am so grateful for that).
So…. In a fascinating combined state of inspiration and heaviness,
I play day 2 of the daily meditations that providence has so kindly sent my
way… For free!
The mantra that Deepak guides me through on today states
this
“I create my own abundance from an infinite source”
Instantly I am relieved, exhilarated and inspired! As I dream
about becoming a properly published writer and professional speaker who writes
for big people (not just kids), and whose musings and speeches will have an
impact on people’s lives, this gives me massive encouragement. Should I dare to
dream, that my own transformation (that has started on every level except for
physically) will give me the platform to help others who have also fought the
demons that I do?
At a time when money is scarce, dreaming seems ludicrous
(especially in the exhausted farming community that I live in) and daring to
dream so big had me doubting my worthiness for this cause. Doubting it with
every breath I took, frozen in fear that I had no right to claim that I can
help anyone, I found myself finding every excuse not to sit down and write in
my blog or even my journal.
Then Deepak’s calm and gentle voice plays from my battered Samsung
A5; “I create my own abundance from an infinite source”
Mark is away in Lusaka again, and last night, I
fell asleep after bawling my eyes out listening to Lisa Nichols – amazing woman
that she is. One of the many things she reminds us of, is that where we find
our lives right now, is a direct result of the choices we have made. Yes –
we have chosen this path – for whatever reason that we do or don’t yet
understand – we write the story of our own lives; the pen is in our own hand
and guess what…… It always has been!
So… Deepak’s affirmation that the abundance I create is from
an “infinite source” is what really uplifted me. I need only to look
around me to observe the abundance of the universe – it’s incredible when
you stop to take it in. If I have that immeasurable energy & love to draw
from, and I know I do, then why am I so scared? This isn’t even about
me, this is about my duty, my responsibility, to offer my whole true self in
all its shining light to every person who crosses my path.
I headed out a little later, on my almost daily walk. I
used to be a runner, but my I have filled my own head with all sorts of sexy
and very convincing excuses (That’s the problem with being good with words –
you even believe your own BS) Now I am just a walker. That’s not all bad though
– I love my walks, but I often walk slowly – my back is stiff and sore.
Today – inspired by Deepak’s glorious words I started repeating
the mantra out loud as I took our dogs out into the African bush.
“I create my own abundance from an infinite source”
By Jove it works! I notice the breath-taking beauty around me, I
quickly become energized and excited about my day and even my whole future –
with the infinite abundance around me, and ready to help me to serve my life’s
purpose, who am I to doubt its potential?
Being a learner in fully grasping this
whole abundance concept I decide that more specific language is
required to rewire this worry-some sub-conscious mind of mine, so I get more
specific – I am a slow learner you see.
My mantra goes thus
“I create my own abundance from an infinite source”
“I create my own energy from an infinite source”
“I create my own health from an infinite source”
Did you notice? I am simply dealing with the lies I have told
myself. That’s why I got down to specifics – my ADD/creative brain is so
practiced at thinking of 20 angles at once that if I only say abundance – then
even as I am saying it, there are a myriad of little voices in my head that
just love to argue the case of scarcity and difficulty;
Abundance is just a trendy non-specific word, what does it even
mean?
I am WAAAAY too much of a thinker to just buy in to this trendy
vibing crap!
And so, the list of sneaky little doubts goes on.
I am incredible like that – when it comes to jaded, cynical doubt
that I use to convince myself that I am of great emotional intelligence, and
better than the other suckers who fall for this crap – I can pack it in
sister. I can pack it in faster than the speed of light.
Again, the mantra works! Before I know it and without having
planned it, I start jogging. Look…. It’s a hilarious version of a jog okay!
It’s slower than a 90-year-old tortoise and less elegant! Speed-walkers go
faster than that jog! I am not joking! But it’s a jog! Perhaps it’s more of a
hybrid between a walk and a jog? Should I call that a jalk? Hehehe – Fiona you
are such a weirdo!
With the knowledge that it is not only wise, but also important,
for us to celebrate our micro-wins and stack them up
into macro-wins, in my head I embraced my huge
achievement!
For me…… my tortoise-jog/jalk was a macro win of monu-f****ing-mental
proportions!
I mean shucks – a week ago I couldn’t even walk 1km without
pain, my back wouldn’t allow it and yet here I was…. Jalking!
I broke up the jogs/jalks with intermittent short walks but for
6km I jalked more than I walked and… I loved it!
In the final stretch my mantra changed just a little - “I
create my own health from an infinite
source” Became, “I create my own healing from an
infinite source” Why? Any exertion creates micro damage in our muscles – I
needed to block out my own story that I start well and then get injuries. I
also need to believe that my back can handle this.
Wednesday
The dogs and I went out again. I started with a walk of
about 1km before I broke in to my comical jalk.
Again, I contemplated the glorious abundance around me, again I
felt uplifted and excited. Again, my mind was filled with inspiration;
I am aiming to help people to transform their lives – my own
transformation is a vital part of that. I decided to add that to my already
specific mantra which was fast becoming more of a hysterical white-girl rapping
session than a gentle meditation/affirmation. (Hilarious to watch I tell
you, utterly hilarious.)
When I listen to music or sing anything at the same time as
walking or jalking, I absolutely must move in time to the rhythm. Imagine it…
with a catchy rhythm pounding in my head, it goes like this;
“I create my own abundance from an infinite source”
“I create my own energy from an infinite source”
“I create my own health from an infinite source”
“I create my transformation from an infinite source”
It worked like magic!
In fact, I was so energized by this process that I added another
element;
Actions – while jalking!
Picture this hysterically funny mental image… “white (and
definitely can’t move like so many of my darker skinned sisters)
45-year-old woman – carrying curves at the time that can be described as…well…
a whole lot more than generous, almost jogging whilst
enthusiastically throwing her arms about and swinging her hips to fit the
message that she is determined to drum in to her stubborn sub-conscious mind!”
Laugh if you will… And then my sister… try it!
The turn-around point of this daily walk/jog is at a beautiful
little dam. The dogs swim and play and fetch sticks that I throw into the
water. For a few minutes, I revel in watching their enjoyment, I take in the
view and watch the ducks and the pair of Egyptian Geese that call the dam home.
This time, as I turned to leave the dam and head home, something stopped me. I
turned and looked back over the dam, a gentle breeze cooled my face, I felt
amazing!
This is it I told myself, this is the wind that brings the change
in my life and the lives of my loved ones. Never again will we feel so
helpless, never again will we feel so lost for purpose, never again will we be
so strapped for cash. We will have enough money to create amazing memories with
our family, we will have complete financial freedom. In the process my work
will touch and bless the life of every person who crosses my path and needs my
help. The breeze stopped and a sense of peace, elation and happiness surrounded
me as I jalked home.
Those were the words I had written on Tuesday
and Wednesday.
Thursday;
This morning I woke as usual, but today is different. I woke
filled with excitement and gratitude, not the burden of fear and worry that has
become my constant companion.
The dogs and I left home at 6.30 am. My jalk has almost evolved
into a proper jog!
I approached day 3 slightly differently. With a soul that felt
full and blessed and overjoyed at the abundance that I could feel coming my
way, my actions as I jogged were not constant and they were less frenetic, I
didn’t need them to energize me today.
Today I ran in peace, serenity and immense joy. Although I
repeated the mantra for some sections (only if I felt that I was lagging),
there were long stretches that saw me simply jogging, easily and happily.
Let’s see where this journey goes.
Those excerpts are not grammatically correct
and edited – they are simple and genuine words that described what I was going
through at the time. My transformation had begun, and little did I know that it
was the beginning of a miraculous turn in the tide of my life!
At the beginning of this post I wrote this;
When I write my journals, especially in
reflection, I write as if I am telling my best friend all about my day.
Only now can I say that in writing to
myself I am indeed writing to my best friend! You should try becoming your own
best friend!
It is a million times more rewarding and joyful than being your own
worst critic!
With Respect and hope always
Fifo
With Respect and hope always
Fifo
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